Humor Impaired Preacher
A preacher, who was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors（牧师） for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers（电动扬声器） . O
Bat ProblemThree pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--
"I am in desperate need of help -- or I'll go crazy. We're living in a single room -- my wife, my children and my in-laws. So our nerves are on edge, we yell and scream at one another. The room is a h
A middle aged couple is watching TV when a TV Evangelist（福音传教士） comes on and promises to heal the sick."If only you would pray with Him, place your right hand in the air, and place your left hand o
FAILING THE MATH TEST
A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enrol their son in a p
Three pastors 三个牧师的故事
Three pastors Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve trie
HOW TO GET RID OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done wit
WALKING IN THE MOUNTAINS
A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old
A PARTICULARLY HARD QUESTION
A nun dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says to her, "I'm sure you've lead a virtuous life, Sister, but before I can let you into heaven, you must answer one question. What," asks St. Peter,"were Eve
STROLLING DOWN THE STREET ONE DAY
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Covert to Catholicism and get $10." One of the Jewish men
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY
Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlour.
SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees th
JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a
GEE, IT'S DARK IN HERE
This guy walks into a bar and sees a lady sitting by herself. He goes over and buys her and drink and they chat a while and he leaves with her to go to her place. They are in the middle of having a go
A LITTLE BOY WITH NO ARMS
There was this little boy with no arms. He wanted to ring the church bell on Sundays so he went to talk to the preacher. The preacher didn't know how he was going to do it, but he figured he would giv
LEARNING TO LIVE TOGETHER
A Jewish man lives into a Catholic neighbourhood. Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work o
PRAYING FOR SOME BIRDS
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
FATHER FORGIVE ME...
A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."
"What do you mean almost?" question the priest.
"Well, we got undressed and rubbed togeth
PASSING OUT THE OFFERING PLATE
A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pi
A HOT DAY AT THE NUNNERY
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit (groan) on a hot day.
So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are s
JOINING THE CHURCH
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from
There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
WINNING THE LOTTERY
This nice, old Jewish man really wanted to win the lottery. So, one week, he goes to synagogue and he says (good Yiddish accent mandatory), "Oy, Lord of heaven and earth, imagine how much good I could
THERE WERE THREE NUNS...
There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says, "ok, do your sins, come back, and I'll bless you." So, they went to do their sins and came
THE HEAD PRIEST AND THE ALTAR BOY
The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a
GOD TAKES A HOLIDAY
God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"
St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice